The Science of Breaking Down

I can’t focus on other things at all
Headaches to the worst degree
I go and lean against the wall
All the normal things that were done to me
It all builds up and before long
I slide to the floor, by the doorway
They ask me, concerned, “what is wrong?”
I look up and lie and say “I‘m okay”

Night Light

It’s so cold at night as I lay on the stone
In the night of September, I’m not alone
But with you around me I know you’re my own
Now I’ll never be cold or fear the unknown
It has grown dark but the stars still glow bright
The sun has gone down but I’ve still got the light
The streaks of red flame, I feel it ignite
Old glory feels new when I remember that night

Give Me The Knife

Making noise in the kitchen was a man with a knife
I stumbled downstairs in preparation for strife
If I had any sense I would’ve run for my life
Then I saw that that action was being done by my wife
She was running away, hoping I’d fought and died
She thought I would fight him as she ran off and cried
But I talked him down and I lead him outside
Then I picked up the knife and went after my bride
I found her outside, backed up to a tree,
Cornered by the man.  I said, “Leave her to me!”
Finally alone, and finally free
She then begged for her life, I said no to her plea

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Just Dance

When you come and see me standing over there
There’s no need to ask me what I’m all about
We don’t need to talk for you to find out
So come up here and get up off your chair
I’ll know all I need to know about you
By the way you touch me and dance
Don’t think, just move, give it a chance
Silent connection, it can only be true

Rain Dance

I sit and I worry about the meeting ahead
Trying to sit and act like you are my friend
But all I think about are those things you once said
Ten years ago when we faced our end
I smile and I act like I want to be here
You smile back and flirt just a bit
I hesitate, for it’s you that I fear
But I play along with my charm and my wit
We start to feel close as we talk and walk far
I find myself shocked by this feeling I gain
It starts to downpour as we run to the car
But when we get there we just kiss in the rain
My greatest fear was another heartbreak
But it seems worthwhile for the future we’d make

His Wife Stole My Man

So my story is age old
One thousand times has it been told
So here is how it did unfold
How his wife stole my man
For two years now you’ve been my friend
I cannot count the hours we’d spend
Then you met her and it was the end
All other fun, she had made a ban
I try to call because it’s been so long
She wants to come, though she won’t belong
You don’t show, I can guess what went wrong
Good job shunning me, if that was you plan
I cannot wait anymore for you
It’s obvious that our friendship’s through
Sitting alone is now what I’ll do
Because it’s all I can

Eat Me

Because I love you
And if you love me too
When life is withdrawn
Consume me when I’m gone

Picture of a Dream

I remember the day
When we sat on that staircase
And wished away the future we faced
“I don’t want you to go away”
I remember the smell
In your room burning incense
My pounding heart far too intense
I want to stay as well

Floyd Hole

Gone
Empty
Still, quiet
It’s whatever
I cry but don’t feel
Headaches come from silence
If:  The middle word in life
Abject failure, but not to care
The girl aside no longer feels warm
My friends come to me but will find nothing

Beloved Future Spinster

I never saw her when she came around
I never met her or found out her name
But every night I knew that she came
The evidence was there and traces were found
The left room, the washers; the driers, the right
She would move loads to the dryers, then fold
At night, for all in the building, I’m told
And take time to separate black from white
This woman was so sad and alone
And she could never seem to forget
This was the closed that she’d ever get
To having a family of her own

Shot Over, Shot Out

When they all met me
Judgment battering ram
How I dress, act and be
Want so to change what I am
You’ll need some new boots
Have to tone down the black
Abandon your roots
And get on the right track
They will never want you
You’ll won’t impress them
No matter what you do
Your ways will condemn
Now come and have fun
Grab that one off the shelf
Tonight a loaded gun
The mirror shows not myself
And they all love me
I’m just like the rest
Forgot what I used to be
Alone and depressed
In the party and night life
They push him around
It hits like a knife
Life gone deaf from the sound
My friends now all wonder
Why I followed him out
Final social blunder
They thought me devout
My old boots remember
Where we used to go
In the snow of December
Alone and below
I was so empty
Hollow, just for show
Again I can feel free
Like I did long ago

Pockets Bulging with Love

He says "I love you"
He says it to everyone
Devalued words tear

Death of the Hypotenuse

You are my true love
He stood between you and I
His death was tragic

Psychic Vampire

Please beware of those who will drain you
They walk in the day, in your very life
They will not suck blood, but still they pursue
They drain you of energy, leaches of strife
Skilled in this art, they hold on to you tight
They come over when you don’t want them to
You’ll feel indebted to them, they are so polite
They feed off your guilt and the things you will do
The things he will need, he hints but never asks
They’ll never demand, to not be a pest
This predator will wear all different masks
His irresponsibility projects as distressed
They feed off your pity, and all your good will
They can be fund raisers or groups that you know
To wallets through hearts and the guilt they fulfill
The faces of children, so hard to say no
You are their victim, the happy and content
They lack what you have and soon will destroy
Beware of loved ones, gifts and things lent
Their very presence will guilt and annoy
To defeat them you must be gracious and kind
When they come around to you and want to use
They will act upset but will soon go find
Their next sorry victim that they can abuse

Hypothermic Shock and Awe

I looked at the cold pond with questioning eyes
Temperatures so low that everything dies
Beside is a girl with a beautiful face and sexy form
I see her jump in, she’s still in her cloths
I followed right away even though I froze
So she puts her arms around me and keeps me warm
I close my eyes and pray that this is the norm
If this is what ‘they’ do, I’d gladly conform
I cease to be me, with her I transform

Slave to the Waffle Light

I use the same batter as all the rest
Poured into the mold that we’ve always used
Standing still, I’ll wait as if possessed
I hope it’s form is perfect and not bruised
Motionless and thoughtless as I don’t blink
Giving no though to the time I spend
Regardless of what lays at the brink
I will still consume it in the end

Love Hate Incarnate

Penal threats mitigate criminal affairs
Fear is for those with a poor moral code
Or for those few whose code differs from theirs
Life in prison to keep them off the road
Revenge shouldn’t be reason for punishment
Rehabilitation should be in sight
Suffering in others, selfish fulfillment
They say “it saves money” when I ask “is it right?”
The question is, what’s life worth to you?
Do actions such as crime lessen ones’ worth?
Do ones’ achievements increase ones’ value?
What’s the price to remove one from this earth?
Death sentence and murder are both killing
The difference is just a point of view
Take a moment to ponder what you’re willing
Realize just what your dark feelings lead to

Fire for Effect

Standing alone in the center of the crowd
I am still as the riot steadily grows loud
I think of all the failed plans, all the failed tries
I think of all the wild leadership lies
I cannot assist and I cannot interfere
I cannot look away as I hear my world disappear
They burn the world down to the crumbling ground
Only in the ashes is peace to be found
Built up again by the new, powered hands
My old world returns and no one understands

A Great Tale of Sexual Tension

She is my greatest crush
She is my date tonight
She is my current rush
She is my own delight
I am sure that we contrast
I am sure that it was fun
I am sure that it won’t last
I am sure that we are done
We see that we don’t get along
We see being single as a perk
We see that we were all wrong
We see each other at work

Message to Observer

Fear
Conform
Stay asleep
Watch the T.V.
Money is your god
Marry and reproduce
Don’t question authority
Follow, obey, submit, consume
Subliminal messages saturate
I can’t see advertisements anymore

American Pie

My undersized delight is now so Americanized
When I can’t get “the works” I denounce it as weak
Conveyer belts and overpriced, it’s so commercialized
Although it’s cooked in a pan it’s no longer Greek

Metaltown

I drive past a girl who seams worriless
With her long pea coat and tight red corset
Fishnets and knee-high boots are daily dress
In this town, what you see is what you get
Here there are farmers in metal bands
They can see that they’re not the status quo
They say “to hell” with conformist demands
They live there lives and don’t care if you know
Individuality is their ideal
There’s no façade here for you to see
They are themselves and they are so real
Their town motto is “don’t bullshit me”

FairTax

I see a future without income tax
Just a greater sales tax in its place
This could make up where the old way lacks
A possible future that we could embrace
With an untaxed paycheck each week
We’re more likely to spend what we earn
No mortgage interest tax, investments peak
Our economy will notice a positive return
Millions of foreign tourists here each year
Could provide further for us while they stay
And all the illegal immigrants living here
Will be forced contribute and pay

SI

The pain I feel inside cannot be real
But the pain I cause is external
In my emptiness I need just to feel
Why must my stresses seem so eternal
Don’t look, I don’t want you to see
I don’t want the attention at all
Allow me to conceal what I choose to be
Leave me on the ground where I fall
I feel the endorphins flow through me
So that I know it’ll be okay
In those cathartic moments I can’t see
Dissociate and finally “go away”
I want to live and make it through
And then the signs I will conceal
My motivations must seem askew
I’m so comforted to watch them heal
Once punished for what I did wrong
To myself I now pay the toll
I was helpless and weak all along
But now I am in control

Momentary Purgatory

I laid down on the ground and prepared for sleep
Wondering such things like “what’s it all about”
I close my eyes and feel myself fall in deep
I dream of work and I dream of the past
And I dream of all that I’d want to make.
With the occasional noise, these dreams won’t last
I’m pulled away any, I am surely awake
I hear the noise of the room ever so clear
I feel the ground that lay just below
It would be a few minutes before I felt fear
The signs of life that I’d struggle to show
I stained for a minute to open my eyes
Tried to move my limbs until I wanted to weep
I couldn’t move or scream after hundreds of tries
The people all around me though I was asleep
Soon I’ll face the fact that this might last
“Perhaps it’s a coma” is what I derive
Then I finally move, I’m released form my cast
More than ever before, I’m so glad I’m alive

Collapsed Shooting Stars

Paralyzed as they move across the sky
I cannot blink in it’s brilliant light
Why must they all be so high?
I cannot catch beauty in flight
They’re all the things you cannot have
They’re all the things that’ll never be
Visions are quickly cut in halve
These visions grow too hard to see
They destabilize beyond repair
They have gone but I can’t leave
They consume the sky and burn the air
Left in the dark, I can’t breathe

A Word of Advice

In my darkest times I go to him
When the light is bent and lights are dim
He speaks of faith and continuing hope
His personal advice and way to cope
He says to let go and to trust
In the plan that’s flawless and just
The relief of passed over control
Conveniently absolve and console
Despite it’s comforting appeal
I’m just not there, I wish it was real

Knowing Naomi

I lost control and I began to veer
My brother was sitting just by my side
I crashed into her, I could not steer.
The painful end to Naomi’s last ride
My truck stopped rolling just off of the street
My bother was thankfully still alright
I checked on her, she remained in her seat
I fell to knees at the heartbreaking sight
Her body was crushed in half at the waist
She turned her head and looked into my eyes
I knew that this feeling would not be replaced
No time for hellos, no time for goodbyes
We saw through our facades and looked within
A bond so pure and to the truest degree
Friendship at its’ end, just as we begin
I knew for sure that she knew the real me
I failed to speak after countless tries
She whispered to me “it’ll be fine”
Then I saw the pain leave from her eyes
And I felt it move right into mine

Delicate, Distressed, Diseased, Deceased

I once was a mirror, angelic and flawless
A reflection of everything so beautiful and true
Innocent and helpless and lined with finesse
Full of such potential in my life’s debut
My world was destroyed in the blink of an eye
Shattered to pieces, the turn of the tide
I cried in pain as I screamed and asked why
I hid the shards and set the memories aside
Now just a small piece of what I used to be
I sing songs so beautiful for the world to hear
Until the shards returned, jagged copies of me
They sing chilling songs and our sound is unclear
They hold me down, they muffle my voice
I’m driven from town, I’m run off the road
The pain is unbearable, I haven’t a choice
They sing all together, they sing and explode

Routines’ Hymn

From the halls of propaganda,
To the shores of brainwashing;
Told and shown selective details
But will never learn a thing;
First to go and do all orders
And true reasons go unseen;
So quick to act without thinking
Not to know what they mean.

Our children are blinded from birth
To ensure the job is done;
They will grow up to think alike
Set in stone once begun;
In the walls of nearby structured schools
Closely guided in their teens;
Soon will be leading younger ones
Like tight oiled machines.

Here’s thought to you and what you do
What you’ll fight to preserve;
You are told that you are the best
And you’ll get what you deserve;
If you rethink all your beliefs
Before you wear your greens;
I hope you will discover truth
And exactly what it means.

The Creamery

In selection they discriminate
They are corrupt, as they are judgmental
The worthy ones do not rate
Ones’ origins will prove detrimental
Efforts are futile without connections
An intelligent person won’t even pursue
You’ll never be in the eligible sections
Unless you are one of the beautiful few

Darkroom

She comes to me and says that she want’s me to come along,
With her into the darkroom, where we’d be all alone.
I was agreeable at first because nothing seamed wrong,
Since our past together was fond and well known
In through the circular door to the back of the classroom
Where pictures hang from the lines in the dim red light
Then she told me of her boyfriend who’d plan my doom
If he knew I was alone with her, her would want to kill me and fight
Or because I once dated her for what was just a short time
Now for such negligible reasons he plans on eliminating
I only fear punishment before the enjoyment of crime
Why would she created a situation so incriminating?

Ill-Acquired Taste

We did what they said, without stopping to think
These acts of hazing, we did unknowingly enroll
The way we were show would be written in ink
In the days of our youth when we had no control
Angered by this treatment we wanted retribution
So that they can suffer as we did that day
Soon we grow older, consumed by the institution
They are gone, we are them and their way
Still angered by the days that are long in our past
The young stand before us, ready to be led
We choose not to make change, have tradition last
Without stopping to think, they did what we said

The Forgotten

I stop now and think about
All the people I once knew
Left behind and feel no doubt
Now and again I’ll think of you
No matter what I will find
I’ll never forget a face
Or leave my memories behind
In the turns of this race
This fact will always remain
Even if we have no ties
Past meaning will retain
I know you can’t say likewise

To An End

I try to explain but you don’t see
It’s not the way things have always been
It’s what is right and should now be
Try to hear and see what I believe in
“Natures’ way” is poor and no excuse
The easiest way is not the best road
All that we can do should not be put to use
Have a higher standard and moral code
Treated cruel and indignant, removed of pride
Manipulated, bought and sold before our day
Plundered and raped, the crimes are wide
For so many generations it’s been this way
Caged and confined, now since birth
Never able to live life and or wonder why
It’s not right to say what life is worth
Never free to live before they die

Shuddered Sanctuaries

How can you act as if you are alone?
Can’t you see that I’m still here
I can’t stand the noise while on the phone
I wait for when you’re not near
With everyday it gets much worse
I didn’t change or start this war
I should leave before it’s in a hearse
You didn’t know me well before
Get out or I’ll have to leave
How can I stand this everyday?
It’s worse than you’ll admit or will believe
Today’s the end I will not stay

Happy 420

It has always been my opinion that
Drug abusers make drug users look bad
I care about where their motivation’s at
Not if, but why they used what they had
It’s my simple wish that one would wait
Until they reach an appropriate age
Young minds may not developed straight
Use your judgment please, before you engage
They’re made for the good to feel better and loose
And never to set your bad feelings free
I fully support their legalization and use
But all the same, they’re just not for me

sXe

I don’t care what they think when I tell them no
I don’t need what they need to get through the day
This is how I prefer to enjoy the show
Now content, now alive, and I’ll stay that way
Safe on the straight edge, not the norm at all
All my friends are like you but I’m not like them
I don’t need to change the world or build a wall
I’ll never introduce what will condemn
The way I see things will do just fine
I don’t want a way to change what I perceive
I have got to stay tough and grow a spine
If you try to change me I’ll have to leave

Ninja Punch

It’s a scene that knows no judge
No one is present watch and supervise
No jury that we can then hold a grudge
No angles will ever meet their fair eyes
There’s no time for anyone to show proof
Unneeded, unwanted and irrelevant here
No evidence is brought forth under this roof
No reason or motive will reach a closed ear
There’s no reason to wonder how it will end
All are guilty here in every case
Brace yourself and hope it will mend
Accept your punishment and keep a straight face

By the Way

Pushed and pulled that way
Forced and driven away
Into the river of ice and shards
I may not stay
Won’t keep at bay
Frozen strokes with the passing yards
May not tread
Or drown instead
The force of the current is far too strong
Branch that’s dead
We move not ahead
My grip will soon fail and I’ll move along

Equal Opportunity Abuser

In all of the past, they were oppressed and held down
But now it is known that they are the same as us
It’s comforting to think that we’ve all come around
Fair treatment to all with none else to discuss
Suffrage is a must, in these modern days
The right to be treated just, regardless of gender
Held to the same standards despite what appearance portrays
But remember that you are to be their defender
Hold the door open and stand when they arrive
Don’t hit them or hurt them because of who they are
Understand the differences, adjust to strive
Change the rules and segregate and so they may go far
This country of rights, equality is its foundation
Accept for the occasional advantageous discrimination

I’m Not Done

It’s not the last time, I’m not done
I haven’t dropped my pack, not yet
I’m going until there’s none
Cannot stop, time won’t reset
Despite the failures of the past
I won’t sit down, won’t back down
Don’t wonder how long it will last
Chin up don’t despaired, don’t frown
In the last moments I’ll plan the next
How can the pain be disconnected?
Quitters remain perplexed
What is this that I’ve been infected?

Ubiquitous Song

 Back when we started we never planned.
You listened when I said to stay strong.
We dealt with what we thought we could never stand.
We never listened to what they said all along.
We scarified our dreams down to the mat,
For the way that we knew that we wanted to feel.
“Love is the difficult realization that,
Something other than oneself is real.”

Police Call

Walk slowly through the open fields of town
Keep my attention directed at the dirty ground
Heads bowed in line as all keep our stares down
Never made to stop until every bit is found
Mission exact or as vague as hell
Step back, they say as they notice more
What’s in front or back, no one can tell
Sometime I wonder what we do this all for
Find and collect to seemingly no avail
Paperwork discrepancies, unacceptable for the files
Abandoned where others decided to bail
I’ll find no rewards after painstaking miles

Polite Formality

Here we are again, I remembered your birthday
In these cold autumn days it’s always close to mind
Try not to read into what I’m trying to say
Some kind of satisfaction that I just won’t find
I hope it’s not an attempt to show I still care
I want know if your okay, I just want to see
I’m not trying to get you back, I would not dare
Mostly I think it’s so that you still remember me
Every year my effort is less than was the year before
So that you don’t think that my motivations are askew
I want you to know that I’m not crazy about you any more
But for a girl like you it wouldn’t be the wrong thing to do

Stale Mate

It seems to me that your not my kind
It might just be your cold clammy skin
I’m sorry to say that I do in fact mind
And I’m sorry to admit it could never have been
It could also have be your dry frizzy hair
Or your bland boring kiss at the edge of my lips
Your looks could pass but your feel couldn’t compare
And you could never get my simplest quips
You have weak opinions and nothing to say
It’s not my fault that you make me so bored
I could learn all about you in less than a day
Anyway, I’m sure you’re tired of being ignored

The Mushroom

For hundreds of years
Everyone still fears
Done through the tears

Seventeen seventy five
Have traditions been alive
In battle they strive
To victory they arrive

All are angry and mean
Now they suppress the obscene
Down to the dumb and the keen

Killing and prayer
Every time that they dare
Play but not fair
Trained not to care

Initiative based
Now thoughts are erased

Done onto me
Anger’s the key
Ready to kill is he
Kept down on a knee
Never we see
Enraged we will be
Still some will flee
So manipulated are we

The Mystery of Girl A and Boy C

The young boy sees the girl that lives down the street

He wants to talk to her, but doesn’t know how

Overwhelmed by the urge to confront and to meet

He doesn’t know why, his age won’t allow

The young adult couple now is always in touch

He goes out of his way just to walk the girl home

Holds her hand at the movies and misses her much

He can’t live without her so he swears on the tome

The old woman and man still sit side by side

Companions for life because it felt right

Anniversaries come and they express pride

The comfort of the other fills each with delight

The path so well so traveled by all those before

Leaves not a clear footstep to look back and adore

Send It

In the silent back office of the place it is stored
Thoughts wait to be heard in the present day
In the noise of the life the signs won’t be ignored
Space is created and filled with what you don’t say
It’s know, it is clear that verdicts are closed
So get it out in the air and let us be done with it
It’s time that we hear what will be proposed
Common knowledge, it seems, is hard to admit

Eighth and I

Covered and aligned in perfect straight rows
The thump of heels on the ground of no memory
The length and the dept that nobody knows
I lean to the side, a new perspective to see
Whipped back in line by those to the side.
I now see the difference between what is wrong,
What warrants punishment and what I should hide.
It’s a code that pushes the rest right along.
Nonconformity is as criminal as crime,
I’ll break any rule if it is not evil.
I accept the punishments and do my time,
And I’ll always find a way to be civil.
Broken and beaten paths laid before you,
We know our way now, we know what to do.

My Decadent Best

I will succeed and what I  want I will achieve
I will act, I won’t just sit by my window sill
If I don’t find what I need, than I’ll have to leave
All my dreams will materialize, and so it is my will
Built from the ground up, with no favors to repay
It’ll be grand or simple if that is what I deem
No boss over me, I know I’ll have my way
Devise then realize, so is told the American dream
Live big, live grand, make life the way you want
Fulfill your dreams to live without regrets
Know that your failures will surely haunt
Believe in yourself to not fall in the nets
Philosophies of grandeur and success now a part of me
Society knows I’ll be the dream because I want to be

Wooden Indian

Every person I meet is
Void of emotion with
Empty blank faces.
Ready to convey to
You, but you’re
Only another
Nameless figure.
Eventually I’ll quit and
Stop caring about

Whether my words are
Incomprehensible or if
Listeners are listening at all.
Still I speak at the curtains while the
Overall audience is
Non-responsive and numb.

Send Your Last

Five feet down and four across.
Lost his hands and lost my eyes,
From the side, an ill fated toss.
When hope is gone everyone dies.
Be my eyes and I’ll be your hands.
Going deaf form menacing sound.
I’m still alive, won’t end in the sands.
Stand my gun and never back down.

Twist of Hate

Ten years to the day, my choices don’t seem free,
We go forward and commit deadly sin.
Peers and superiors unanimously agree,
Fear and react almost in unison.

Love Sick

I meet you, I’m the guy right down the street,
I traveled this far now, from the garden state.
Things just felt right from the moment we did meet.
At this point in our lives, you’d think it’s too late.
I’ll treat you better than the other guy,
I promise to do right and give you everything.
I’ll take care of you until the day I die,
I’ll be your man if you accept my ring.
Will you give me all I wish I had?
Could you fill the hole that’s in my life?
All the things that go and make me sad,
Daughter I don’t know and the absentee wife.
Our age grows parallel with our love.
This life seems like a gift form above.

An annual check up now reveals,
What seemed to never show.
A lump in the back, time, it steals.
So starts surgery and chemo.
So I think back at the relationships that fail.
In the following weeks my daughter won’t come,
Won’t answer the phone or respond in the mail.
A stranger to my blood and this is the sum.
My love I am sorry to leave you alone,
With a home to take care of and duties to take.
I hope I did enough, prepared for the unknown.
I’ll hold your hand and say goodbye as you stay awake.
Goodbye to my life at its blissful height.
Good luck to your future at moorings’ light.

Unnamed

Ignorance at foot
So I then question, then learn
Then thankfully grow

The Betty Roadhouse

Red
False drain
Kerosene
Old wooden sides
Hat on the ceiling
Cactus by the window
Full library without books
Needles packed tightly in the jar
Tool belt of leather nailed to the wall
Messages and clues of the daily routines

Cadillac

The cold of autumn
With only the stars as light
Angelic, no mind

Broken and Unreadable

I can remember the moment when I lay in my bed,
Tears in my eyes and pain in my heart for the umpteenth time.
I said to myself that it would be the last time they’d get into my head,
And the last time I wept to no avail in my fleeting prime.
And for over a year it was that way,
For the first time in my life I shed joyous tears.
And that was the last time I did convey,
Any such strong emotion in the past three years.
Now meaningful relationships will come and go,
And I can’t achieve such a display like I used to.
I wonder if there is something wrong with me that I don’t know,
And I won’t when I can if I don’t think its cause is true.
I will refuse at the movies or the end of a book,
Those feelings aren’t mine, nor will I react to a mere token.
So I stop for a moment, and away I must look,
I hope that when it’s appropriate, we’ll see I’m not broken.

Why?

And now it seems that I’ll see you again,
Against my better judgment and what I know would be best.
I can’t deny the joy of way back when,
In face of the pain, I’ll again put my heart to the test.
I swear I will promise myself to be fully yours,
I’ll resist my instinct for preservation.
I’ll unlock the safety of insecurity doors,
In slim hope of the pursued grand illation.
If you promise, I will be able to cope,
With this almost curtain chance of destruction in steady pursuit of what I now solely yearn.
I’ve played it safe in fear of pain’s power and scope,
“The discretion and futility of hope, we try over and over only to return.”

Fated to Choose

The day has come for me to finally choose,
Whether or not I should marry my long time girlfriend.
If I wait and longer I fear I might loose,
Her, a slash through the heart I fear won’t mend.
But if it doesn’t work out, I‘d still feel the bite,
So I have to be certain, I must know for sure.
I have to see it for myself, to know if it was right,
I’ll try to travel through time to see if my future is poor.
Carefully and diligently, I create my invention,
To prove once and for all that I have irrational fears.
I enter my machine and move in the fourth dimension,
I would see how my life looks in ten years.
I arrive and begin to look for my home and family,
But the phone book has no entry with my name and address.
Then as I walk down the street and I see her suddenly,
Leaving the store with her children, no less.
So I follow them back to there suburban home,
But the mail box reads an unfamiliar name.
She married another, I lower my head and roam,
Now I know she’s not the right one, I’m grad that I came.
Now I wonder, what ever did happen to me?
I suppose I could look, it couldn’t hurt to find out.
Did I marry another or am I still free?
But my search turns up empty. What’s this all about?
I search and I ask but they all say “I don’t know,”
Then I talk to the mother of an old neighbor again.
I ask “What ever happened to that boy long ago?”
She says that she remembers that “thirty years back then
When for no reason at all, he just disappeared,
He fell off the face of the world, as if at the drop a dime”
I to the go news papers to find the truth to be weird.
It says that I went missing on the day that I traveled through time.
I return to my time where I’m procrastinating to wed,
It seems that one’s future is impossible to see.
My actions will pave the future that cannot be said
Now I know there’s no fate, it’s all up to me.

More Or Less Than DeVine: Rapture and Disillusion

It would seem like a dream to one day rest and retire,
To share and enjoy my passions, to do as I wish.
Now and again I grow tired of the sound of the fire,
And I want something simple when my ambitions finish.
But it seems like the reality of the dream has a fatal flaw,
I must learn from the mistakes of those before me.
I won’t choose to settle, it’s my personal law,
But can I actually embody all that I’ll be perceived to be?
I can‘t bring myself to be lazy when I feel a am able,
It will never be easy if I want success.
So goodbye comfortable and goodbye stable.
For stable is stagnant and I refuse be less.

And Then We Revert

Do I look like the type who will just sit and wait,
For all of your better plans to fall to pieces?
I suppose you think that I think of you a soul mate,
And that I’m here for your emotional releases.
So now do you come to me because you’re ready to settle?
Or are you just in need of a transitional guy?
You must think I have not an ounce of mettle.
Am I just an easy tool that’s in quick supply?
Don’t explain your motivations, there’s no  need to impart.
Do you think it’s right to have such a manipulative plan?
Did you think I wouldn’t be suspicious of your sudden change of heart?
Do you think you can get away with it?  I guess you can.

Quitting IS an Option

I lay on the ground, pained and sore,
It can end if I wish, if I walk out the door.
He dictates and I do, my pain is self done,
Yet I wouldn’t try to escape, even if I could run.
They lean over and say “you can quit if you want,”
But they know that I won’t, for my memories will haunt.
I live and I die under the shadow of a choice,
I’m bound to the code of the word of my voice.
It’s an option to quit, it’s an option to stop,
It’s the choice not to that leads to the top.

Rose in the Trash

Shared time brings pure sweet catharsis,
I see it wilt at the bottom, the meaning won’t resonate.
Such disregard, what is it’s basis?
When the picture comes clear, my soul will asphyxiate.

Cuts to Scars

It’s a shame that you don’t like what you see,
When you look inside of me
Everything I think and all I want to say.
Is ready for the judgment of harsh eyes,
So spare me the pleasant lies,
Broken, beaten down, my heart will never pay.

Theorize

Ever watchful and all knowing, is the great Santa Claus,
With his commandments and decrees from his home of pure bliss.
With dedication, we write letters full our wishes and desires, with out a pause,
When all’s said and done we’ll see how we’ve performed on our Christmas.
Acting good out of fear for the great threat of coal,
Denying our true nature for the promised presents.
What have we learned but not to follow the instincts of our soul?,
What a great way to control the impressionable peasants.

Scantic Adventure

From out of thin air, I devise a small plan,
With no real ideas of how it will be done.
But never the less, we will not disband,
Though success is unlikely, I knew it’d be fun.
The first step was to obtain a cheep and small raft,
A quick trip to the store, to obtain what we need.
We blew it up as we joked and we laughed,
Then it dragged across the bottom, hopes quickly impede.
But it did not puncture a hole in the bottom of the vessel,
With much wading and pulling, we reach our desired torrent.
And our efforts proved to be worth the great hassle,
A memory of a time whose visit I’d warrant.

Unacceptable

I remember the date that I would greatly anticipate,
The long awaited promise of when we would meet.
I look up to see you walk out from the gate,
To catch my first glimpse of what your had on your feet.
The beauty of the black, so shiny and smooth,
The tight leather straps as high as your knee.
That mixed with your walk, so graceful and couth,
I was so pleased with this sight until you stood next to me.
Now looking up to look into your eyes,
Once delighted, now angered by this change in height.
Due to these boots, you’ve surpassed me in size,
I swear, I want to destroy you for this embarrassing sight.

Don’t Ask

I understand the impulse to inquire,
Perhaps you don’t realize that it’s generally rude.
Quickly, it’s a topic that I tire,
A dissatisfying response may discourage you to intrude.
Don’t question the scares or the marks on my skin,
Sometimes, the memories are the worst part of life.
I will say, “at work” or “I don’t answer that question,”
Some things are just private, even from family, friends and wife.

Haley’s Kiss

Five and destructive, as far back as I can remember,
I ran and I climbed where we used to play.
In the summer together to my birthday in December,
Only now do I see the affectionate display,
We play so innocently but with a shine and gleam,
While our parents worked hard to give us the best.
I say farther back, intentions, I can’t deem,
While we play in the basement, the weight on my chest.
I’m chased and I run from your sister and you,
I loose you for a second, exhausted, I lay down on the bed.
I close my eyes and I wonder, why I am put through?
Then you sneak up and give me my first kiss, on the head.

Beneath the Facade

We wander to the place where they lay, heads bowed, ritual slave,
Again just the same as it was times before, the flowers, the grave,
I watch them fall to their knees and uncontrollably cry.
It’s but one of many rituals I don’t understand,
I try to share the feelings as they grip tightly to my hand,
But I feel nothing more now standing here in a tie.
Fourteen years have passed since the day,
That tragedy stuck and the darkness lay way,
But why not a memory of a moment before then?
What’s wrong with my heart that I don’t react like the rest?
Why does it seem that all that has gone was best?
I worry that without guidance I won’t feel again.

Beckoned to Nowhere

The trees and the homes, in the wake of winter, are reduced to cinder,
The smoke mixed with the cool wind above the icy ground.
The days and the months displaced, undone acts to hinder,
My home is not as I remember, unfamiliar horrors are found.
I choke as I walk deeper into the home I once had,
The burnt fragile artifacts I once loved crumble in my hand.
Around my feet are the signs and the tracks of the small nimble pad,
The growl and the snarl beckon me away form the repossessed land.
In the outskirts I pull my lapels tight to my nape,
I shake not from the cold but the future to come.
Did my loved ones perish or did they escape?
I sit in the snow to wonder and doubt as my body grows numb.
I remember the words of my mentors to persist and proceed.
Is there anything left here to redeem or must I move on?
I turn my back on the glow while my feelings try to impede,
What will I use to make a new life when all I’ve ever had is now gone?
My hopes freeze in my tracks and my blood boils in my chest.
What of the promises you made for when I return?
And all the times we swore that we’d always do our best?
The reasons and failures anger me, as do they concern.
It is as dark as it is cold in the misery of tonight’s solitude,
I walk as I wonder, is this my punishment or is it my test?
I dare to dream once again for success and for my sorrows to conclude,
The future so uncertain now.  In who and in where will I again invest?

Lodge Omen

The warmth against my cheek,
The wet fluid on my lip.
The opportunity , I seek,
Along the way we stall, you trip.
By no fault of mine, it ends,
I silence the symptom with tight embrace.
But the damage is done, it never mends,
It was an ominous sign I feared to face.

Retribution Self-done

To he who I’ve not met, listen up close,
You soon will regret your venomous dose.
Although they are not invested in me,
I feel just the same, I won’t let you be.
You must not have known what you did unbind,
The precious, the best, that which I can’t find.
Three years and then you let it all go,
Discarded away, all that I know.
I would love to be the one to deal justice to you,
But I don’t know a greater pain than what you’ve put yourself through.

Over and Out

Rapid departure, so certain that I,
Give not a thought to if I can’t fly,
Time thought to be short, now proven untrue,
Sitting and waiting, dreams are subdued.
Join me for a moment, a companion I seek,
But get not attached, for my commitment is weak.
Don’t be a priority on eventful nights,
Don’t wait for a call, just turn out the lights.
When nights prove dull, to you I come to,
But now is the time that our period is through.
I don’t share the tears you shed in your hell,
As I leave you in ashes in the spot where you fell.

Cheeseburger in Paradise

As I hear the drip of grease,
Watch the pieces fall down from the start.
But the indulgence will not cease,
Inside, I feel my body fall apart.

Barret the Morlock

Why be perceived as that which you’re not?
Play angry music, won’t talk to a soul.
Now no one’s around, you won’t get caught,
Why’s being another your obvious goal?
I walk in at night to retrieve my coat,
In through the back door, entrance unseen.
I hear the sound of a soft soothing note,
Someone else must be hear, what else could it mean?
He jumps at the sight of seeing me there,
I say hi nonchalantly and I that I like the song.
Acting uncomfortable, a sight that is rare,
I wonder why he acts like he’s done something wrong?

The Nail That Sticks Out

Conclusions illogical, they won’t stop to see,
What lies in the realm of this veracity.
Misconceptions accepted, hate driving the mind,
Judge and condemn, discrimination refined.
I try to explain, shed light on the fact,
But my words are unheard, I make no impact.
Twenty-two years, and set in in his ways,
Will not be convinced, so prejudice stays.
I’m certain that all don’t think in this manner,
Reassured by the tolerant with rapid enamor.
I can only hope that the futures’ society will be,
A place for our children to think with impartiality.

Obsolete Association

Talk and promise to meet and exchange news,
An empty suggestion, an obvious ruse.
Five years past, and still we converse,
News of our live, occasionally immerse.
The open invitation to lunch does appear,
A formality at best, deceptively steer.
Call strategically as you’re arrival is near,
To limit the time that my voice you must hear.
Try to sound interested, pretend my words matter,
For just a minute until it’s your turn to chatter.
Heaven forbid that one says what they mean,
Manures mislead, true intentions unseen.

Directive Flux

To me a friendship will certainly rate,
My support, my compassion and my loyalty.
A romance however, I feel I should state,
Has it’s loyalty replaced with fidelity.
My friends can do anything to cause me to hate,
But at the end of the day, they’re still my friend.
Romance is conditional, with rules to violate,
Do the wrong thing, the relationship will end.
I’ll be friends with whom ever I please,
I’ll have but one girlfriend, with complete honestly.
Only one person is privileged to both of these,
One who I must trust, my wife, she will be.

Laptop Gangster

A page unsecured, you should not trust in,
They’re watching and waiting to copy your pin.
Updates and pictures of all that they do,
Relationship status, and their point of view.
Two hundred thousand a year for one simplest knack,
Some news and a joke and three minutes you give back.
They can’t wait the hear their new CD,
Now instantly, they all have it for free.
Some act and perform and create without pay,
Once it’s stolen and copied by a self-acclaimed devotee.
Desensitized, we accept because everyone knows,
I watch as I slowly become one of those.

Sponge

When I receive the call on the phone in my home,
I’m told to say yes by the words of the tome.
Though it may be an inconvenience to me,
I get on my bike and get threw the debris.
As I push against snow and sleet on the street,
Struck from behind by whom I won’t meet.
My slumber disturbed inconsiderately,
Guarantied unreciprocated, but still I agree.
They ask what they want because they know what I‘ll say,
It shows their indifference to who has to pay.
I hope that one day it will all come around,
If someone else tried, now that would astound.

Pumpkin

You’re a little bit complicated but I love what you do,
You don’t act like the rest, but I’ll handle you.
Not as exact and not as precise,
But just what I want and well worth the price.
I feel the ecstasy in every long bust,
Every time as enjoyable as our first.
I don’t try to be gentle, you don’t like that stuff,
We do as we like and we like it rough.
You perform a thousand times at an admirable rate,
But you’ll then need some time to recuperate.
It’s you and me against the world, and to that I still say,
I don’t mind what I have to put in to let good times stay.

Natural Selection

After a long 9 hours in the driver’s seat,
I come home to find nothing to eat.
So the guys and I get in my car,
To get some food out at the bar,
We get there and everything seams good and fine,
Seemingly normal as we sit down to dine.
Then I get the feeling that something is wrong,
Something is not the same as it’s been all along.
I look at our waitresses, greeters, bartenders again,
Then I realize the truth, that day and only then.
Not an attractive one among them, no shock, I must say,
For these are the ones without plans on Valentine’s Day.

Limb Movement Disorder

As I sleep with her next to me,
Dreaming of the places I’d rather be.
Woken suddenly by the sound of a gripe,
(Not a real shock from the complaining type.)
Then I must  hear about what I’ve done,
Though if I was awake I would call it fun.
A smack in the face or a kick in the shin,
If I could remember it, I’m sure I would grin .
So I say “sorry” and that I’ll try to impede,
But without restraints, I could never exceed.
By now, she should know to give me my space,
So I can’t feel too bad when she’s kicked in the face.

Total Recall

21 years and then they all gather round,
To bid me farewell, as I go to the ground.
One will stand up and speak of me kind,
Nobody considers that I might mind.
Remember the good times, don’t let them go,
But remember the real me, so long ago.
I wasn’t perfect, remember that I,
Had all my flaws on the day that I die.
Depict me true, say all that is real,
Propaganda neglect, despite the appeal.
You know who I was, don’t try to pretend,
That I was anything more when I meet my end.

Jessica

Now my cheek is pressed against you,
We both know now, what we will do.
Just one finger, smooth and slow
Moved gently, gracefully, gradual then go.
A sudden explosion, contained deep inside,
Shall not be ashamed, nor express pride.
We sleep in one bed, never alone,
Shower together, sing to the same tone.
Warm and smooth and shinny and black,
With you beside, none else I need pack.
Carefully I treat you, you’re all that I need
Without you I’m lost, I’ll never succeed.

The Half-Blood Prince

Not needy, self-conscious or embarrassed to be,
What it is, at least average, at least five point three.
With so many with problems, remain thankful that,
It is fit and is ready to engage in combat.
Don’t need to be great or the best at all,
Just not notably bad, that will enthrall.
You are a strong dragon, you know your job well,
When given the chance you always excel,
The definition of loyalty, you never let down,
If not to all, than to me, you’re truly renown.
Stay non-complacent, train as you fight.
It’s just you and me, we practice tonight.

The Follower

I arrive at her house to take her with me,
I am invited in, they judge what they see.
As I take her out to show her the town,
Her parents then inquire, they ask around.
We go see a movie, the mood is just right,
She is hugging my arm, so warmly and tight,
The movie is over we walk out to hall,
We kiss as we walk almost into a wall.
Slightly more careful now, we go straight outside,
She pushed up against me as hands and eyes slide.
I bring her home later, the night felt like a success,
But she wasn’t the only one I had to impress.

Urban Dystopia

Today I finally walk slowly through my home town,
I won’t see drugs or violence if I keep my head down.
Twenty-two years since I have been back,
I fear my home now, fear an attack.
Where we used to hang out and go to play ball,
Is now boarded, condemned, not as I recall.
I see what was new but now it is wrecked,
The ones who destroy, their lack of respect.
One side of town is a mess, a disgrace,
Better than that side, a horrible place.
With the drugs and whores in the cheep living space,
My home is forgotten, my home they erase.

Intimate Danger

So fragile, clear sculpture, smooth and of glass,
I trustingly, carefully, gently pass.
You hold it and smile, say thank you and see,
All that I value and what’s left of me,
Inside of this figure, my hopes and dreams,
Violently cracked, it cries and it screams.
Uncaring or careless, barely aware,
I pick up the shards, I keep with despair.
I feel disappointed, yet no surprise,
Why would things change after all of these tries?
Now harder to trust, how could I allow?
What is the difference? Who’d want this gift now?

Nearsighted Gynecologist

Exactly what the ladies want most of all,
He’ll avoid it at all cost, he’ll evade, he’ll stall.
It doesn’t matter if you're a dog or  a fox,
It will still be difficult to make them eat box,
But there is a small few who don’t feel this way,
They are happy to please like this everyday.
He lives in a hole, in the mud, in the dirt.
With visions of sweet hearts, his favorite dessert.
What is out of reach is most desired, therefore,
It becomes a fixation, no longer a chore.
To all looking for one, willing and keen,
To give what you like, his name is Marine.

Suicide Season

No presents under the tree, no tree at all,
For three years now going, this winter since fall.
No Thanksgiving turkey, or any New Year’s champagne,
No company present, no one to entertain.
Normal routines seem strange and now eerie,
I walk all alone, I start to grow weary.
I stare at blank walls, while alone in my room,
The stillness, the silence resembles my tomb.
Sometimes I’ll start thinking “I wish I was dead,
I’ve got nothing at present, nothing ahead.”
I then hate myself when my standards will not subside.
I must endure so much more, for I hate suicide.

Caged

Emerge from my solitude, stare at the page,
To learn something new then return to my cage.
Pray for the best, but it never does come,
I read painful words, depression, succumb.
Some days, your true feeling, you pleasantly hide,
But still on most days, you express suicide.
I pray you don’t tell me that you’ve done yourself harm,
But I’d hate to find out when I look at you arm.
So far from the world, so what can I do?
Return to my cage, my worries accrue.
Why do you hurt me?  Don’t leave me.  Don’t die,
Helplessly distraught, I feel I might cry.

Solace

A personal gift in the mail, from a close friend,
The details about me, expectations, transcend.
A visit in the hospital, to show they care,
They say to get better, and offer me a prayer.
While I’m at work, they stop by and say,
“We thought we’d stop by, just to say ‘hay.’”
The places I would go to watch the sun go down,
I find my way there with not a look from the ground.
The girl I knew I could not replace,
Remembers me still, with tight embrace.
The memory in a song from so long ago,
Will still fills me with warmth form my head to my toe.

Envisage

I sit in my chair, not a notion or thought,
Nothing in my heart, not happy or distraught.
Behind me I hear the door open fast,
I look and I see a ghost from the past.
Her red leather coat, and long hair to match,
The cat dove from the hall, I watched her catch.
Still sitting down, I knew it was untrue,
I said “whatever”, her arms I ran to.
I did not question it and I did not ask why,
Overwhelmed by happiness, I thought I would cry.
Release my pillow, I look left and then right,
As quick as she came, still was gone on this night.

Release

Now I’m years from home, I miss it.  I wait,
For the people I love, the places I hate.
Perhaps my family, we now grow apart,
I tell them, forever, they’ll be in my heart.
Steady I stand, and forward I walk,
Put on a smile for nice table talk.
Now I’m surrounded by friends and family too,
They say that brings happiness, loneliness, subdue.
Now I am at home, so what else could I want?
When asked, I say “nothing,” I act nonchalant.
So far removed from romance, I forget the taste,
Then the tight loving hug of an old crush, misplaced.

Arctic Egress

We look and we plan, predict the next mate,
We don’t see what we like, discriminate.
Eyes on what we want, we go make our next move,
Misrepresent ones self, perceived flaws remove.
We ask little questions, judge all the while,
We look for our inch to take the next mile.
We don’t really plan too far ahead,
Certain egress now hangs on a thread.
Yet still we look even deeper inside,
Determine true fit and what will collide.
Don’t judge us too much, there’s reason in why,
We don’t get too close if things feel awry.

Solitary

Please take no offense, your company’s the best,
I enjoy interaction, I’m truly blessed.
If now and again, I wish to postpone,
It is simply that I must be alone.
I’m a social creature, I love to converse,
But I need my own time, myself I immerse.
If you call me and say “let’s go and hang out,”
I’ll happily oblige, you’ll see me in route.
If I want you to see you, you’ll get my request,
Then come over quickly, you’ll then be my guest.
Come unannounced, I won’t happily say “hi,”
Just do what I do.  Stay home and wait to die.

Nature Obscure

Some discover themselves, much younger than I,
Healthy, I say they should not ever be shy.
Encouraging to hear an older men say,
That he continues the same, still to this day.
Understanding the depths of another’s fondness,
Must start with yourself, discovery of your bliss.
Since before our commencement, it had been there,
Don’t ever get jealous, understand, stay fair.
It’s just in our nature, biology,
Never say sorry, no apology.
Despite the connection that a person may bring,
They say that “sex is good, but it’s not the real thing.”

The Wizard of Bras

 Of all the things a bra should do,
Hold up, steady, provide a view.
Of all the kinds that one might sport,
Some are for looks, some for support.
I questioned my friends, they gave not a pause,
“Would you like to unhook seventeen bras?”
They all yelled yes but then I said nay!
Too much trouble, avoid if I may.
Most bras aren’t too bad, I suppose, I guess,
They’re not user friendly, causing me stress.
I feel like they weren’t made with me in mind,
Locks hard to unhook and too hard to find.
The sexier should be more quickly undone,
For those are the times when you’re looking for fun.
As great as it looks with it’s sexy appeal,
I hate dealing with corsets, I dread their reveal.

Faith

I believe that any day, I will find,
The love which has left me so cold and blind.
I believe we all have a true soul mate,
One who will find us, and we all await.
In this world of hate and crime,
It’s hard to see the sublime.
In this stranger I will trust,
All I feel, then turn to dust.
How could my life be so unjust?
I’ll try again.  I wait. I must.
Once again, a single date,
Feel my soul disintegrate.
How much longer must this go on?
Pray it’s over with each new dawn.
I know she’s out there, my faith is strong,
My faith in the one whom I belong.
I believe that all will end just fine,
I believe someday I’ll call her mine.
From in our hearts, this we’ll achieve,
As long as this I still believe.

Complementary

Twice it’s been me, my memories are kind,
I shed not a tear for those left behind.
The soft gentle touch, the loving embrace,
Whenever it’s gone, I feel out of place.
The love in her eyes does wonders to me,
Why so unsatisfied?  Why do I flee?
“Love is enough,” they told me and still yet,
I want something more, that which I can’t get.
Have all of my strengths, we’re complete because,
Make up for each other, make up for flaws.
The world will appear the same in our eyes,
Share the same humor.  Sensationalize.
True love is a must and that is for sure,
I need all of these for it to be pure.
What are you about? What is your life for?
What’s your ambition?  What have you in store?
I will love you all day, through the night too,
I can’t keep this up, I’m not proud of you.

1231/0101

All else are the same, that’s all except one,
All else agree now, on that which is fun.
It’s time for great cheer, now let’s celebrate,
Take he who is different, now isolate.
He’s not like the rest, not part of the troop,
Don’t let him near to join the trendy group.
We could let him be, to go his own way,
Eccentricity is crime, so he’ll pay.
We have our traditions, do as we do,
We’d never deduce he has his ways too.
We don’t understand, explain why we should,
It’s clear we don’t care, stay misunderstood.

Underground

Don’t sell one album, don’t show that you’re good,
Have only few fans, be misunderstood.
Try not to get old, try not to mature,
Play only small gigs when you go on tour.
Don’t play what “they” want, don’t get on the air,
Don’t let them all hear you, keep your work rare.
Keep up the good work, keep serving the few,
Don’t even think of a mainstream debut.
You’re mine, I found you, I tell them “come see,”
But if they all did, then whose would you be?
We have a bond, I get what you’re about,
I’d drop you now, if you were to sellout.

Insufficient

You’re cool and funny and just like me,
You’re everything I’d want you to be.
You are just girly enough, but not too much,
Your mannerism screams, “I want you to touch.”
You love good music, we laugh at the same shit,
You couldn’t tell me it’s not a perfect fit.
Even if you like me, you still like them,
A fatal fact that’s fated to condemn.
No matter what, I won’t be enough,
So shrug your shoulders and say, “that‘s tough”
If I filled all desires that I could fill,
Then you would still be without that “other” thrill.

Memory

Today’s memories are just as clear as last year’s.
This morning’s events, as sharp as childhood fears.
As far as I can tell, they’re the same to me,
There is no way to dull an old memory.
All the pain I fell in the haze of the fight,
I know will be thoughts by the end of the night.
Once it occurs, it’s a memory then,
It’s no more important than the last ten.
The present is everything, I know it won’t last,
It hurts me to think that it will all be my past.
What has happened in my life makes up what is me,
I lose all that is, if I lose my memory.

Power

Attraction so strong, I shudder and shake,
My next move will take much courage to make.
Throw caution to the wind, take a deep breath and go,
Then I receive a nonchalant, casual “no.”
When my heart crushes, I force a slight grin,
Rejection and pain begin to set in.
I pretend it was nothing, a casual request,
I hide the pain from the world that I feel in my chest.
Days go by, as my heart, tries to mend.
Until I get news of her new boyfriend.
Upset by the though, “she wanted him, not me,”
Then, when I met him, it was pure jealousy.
This guy was a loser, petty drug dealer,
And that was the worst part, how could HE steal her!
Driven by jealousy, uncontrollable hate,
I would lash out at her, I would show her my state.
I used all my anger, gave her my pain,
Made her feel useless, expressed my disdain.
But seeing her hurt, the pain doubled inside,
Disgusted in myself, I broke down and cried.

Ulterior

Vulnerable, miserable.  Directionless state.
Show us belonging, then motivate.
Deceived us, lied to us.  They understate.
Showed us the terrible.  Incriminate.
Implant in us the desire and tell us to kill,
Mindlessly obey, then charge the next hill.
Fight for the cause.  We dare not stop and see,
But disregard feelings, thoughts, enemy.
Retribution unstoppable.  Serenity wrecked,
Recognize, horrified.  Try to defect.
Moving through endless night, running from hate,
Brilliant, blinding light.  Incinerate.

Fervidus Conticinium

We meet by the pool in our hotel,
I stand, overwhelmed by your sweet smell.
We flirt a bit then,
Say, “I’ll see you again.”
At morning, our plans become one,
We smile as romance has begun.
Then we talk by the lake,
Find conversation to make.
We take the day slow,
Watch our feelings grow.
Make an excuse to touch,
Poking games and such.
As we watch the sun set,
Still closer, we get.
Then on shooting stars,
May our wishes be ours.
We get close to stay warm,
As I feel love form.
We hug tight in momentary, sweet bliss,
Radiant, passionate, we share our first kiss.

Union

I will admit, a good point to make,
One should do it for a kid’s sake.
One other view point I’m willing to take,
That the government offers a decent tax break.
These reasons excluded, I cannot see why,
One should ever wish a knot tie.
When my girlfriend wants me, no more,
She leaves me, she walk out the door.
If my wife wants to end it someday,
She can do nothing, with me she will stay.
If you ask me, that doesn’t seem right,
Why forfeit the choice between stay or flight?
If she stays with me till the day I die,
I’d like to be curtain, and not wonder why.

Black

As I sit before my theater of days,
Off to my right I direct my gaze.
I thought nothing of it, I didn’t understand,
He held up his arms, pushed the button in hand.
Then there was black, no light around,
I couldn’t feel anything, nor hear a sound.
Not pained or hurt or hot or cold,
Not a sense at all for me to behold.
Only the sound of my own worried mind,
Forever, my thoughts, will I be confined?
What is it to die? And should I fear?
I’ll wait for death, or is it now here?

Yearly Checkup

After the day you let me go,
I cried, I tried not to let it show.
I’d send you a flower to show I care,
I feel my heart crack, unfixable tear.
Years go by, I love once more,
But nothing can fix that which you tore.
You call me at random, just to say hi,
Why should you care if my life goes awry?
We have nothing in common, let the truth be told,
Then why, my memory, do you still hold?
Don’t offer me coffee, “meet in the café,”
Just be happy to know that I’m okay.
All I want is to hear that you’re still fine,
But no more, may not our lives intertwine.

Dare I Forgive

I think I get why you’ve done what you’ve done,
Situation permitting, it was right that you shun.
True it was for the best, though your way was cruel,
I declare you were wrong, much pain you did fuel.
How dare I pass judgment? I’m guilty as well,
Once driven by jealousy.  I regret, I dwell.
Ones who’ve been wronged, rights to detest,
Hold onto that though?  You ask to be stressed.
Forgive you, I will.  But for myself, I must say,
My anger, my hate, my heart sends away.
To those who hurt me, no hard feelings to convey,
Just the same, be gone with you.  Stay out of my way.

Walk

From the moment my idea was thought,
My only desire, none else I sought.
I go to begin my ludicrous stroll.
I know I must do it, it’s in my soul.
Say “If he can do it, so can I.”
To act, to motivate, to make them try.
I know it hurts, but won’t last,
In good time it’ll be my past.
The strength to go on comes from within,
I swear I won’t stop, not once I begin.
For the cause I walk all day and night,
To show that I care, to show it’s right.
From our loved one’s, we get our might,
The strength to go on, the strength to fight.

Sentence

Committed crime seen at last,
Harsh, swift the verdict is passed.
If they punish the group for the acts of the one,
The group will make sure the habit’s undone.
And if they punish the one for the work of his hand,
A greater repercussion, alone he must stand.
But when the group suffers and the one suffers more,
The group has no need to settle a score.
It’s clear to me that justice has died,
Again betrayed by those I confide.
When I judge, I feel no fury,
It’s obvious now, the villain’s the jury.

First

With the most romantic scene to behold,
And I looked good back then I’m told.
By some serious judgment lapse,
Or by mistake, you liked me, perhaps.
I couldn’t name it on the day,
But I knew not before had I felt that way.
My happiest moments were spent at your side,
And in you my heart I did confide.
It had to have been you to end what we shared,
For surely never would I have dared.
It must be true, you would not have either,
If you had felt for me anything similar.
But you did it without warning or explanation,
Causing me unexpected pain and frustration.
And now, to you, I can never confess my love,
From me, you will never hear thereof.
With no happiness in my life for me to see,
I fell to the ground and knew not what to be.
Having nothing worth living for was my condition,
Finding that what’s worth dieing for would become my mission.

The Wicked Ones

There’s no need to smile or be nice,
Our enemy’s have hearts of ice.
We’ll kill all on our patrol
It’s not like they have a soul.
We’ll shoot them dead,
Always aim for the head,
Our conscience is small,
No one cares at all.
You can fire at will,
Don’t adjust one mil.
We’ll just spray and pray,
We’ll kill all in our way.
We’re fresh out of the mold,
We’ll do what we are told.
They say, “their death fair sacrifice,”
So it’s us with the hearts of ice.

Banished

Dear, I loved you to death,
I swore it with every breath.
But you’ll be the death of me.
All I wanted was to try and see
If it would work between you me.
But now I must break free.

Then you uttered my greatest fear
You said “your voice I don’t want to hear,
I swear I’ll never shed a tear.”
Still I miss you.  Sincere.

How on earth could you dare,
Ever think that I don’t care?
You knew this would leave me a scar,
Never knowing how you are.

When you told me it was “her or me”
I knew it wasn’t meant to be.
I knew it had to stop there,
I had to finally clear the air.

Is this what your heart recommends?
For so many years we used to be friends,
Now me, you’d rather not hear or see.
Why’d you have to banish me?
Love is what we never lacked,
Why the final counter-attack?

MOP 37

I make not a move, I stand and I see,
Still I’m staring at him staring at me.
Winding steps, they’re old and they creak,
In the dead of night I hear the ghosts speak.
Memorize the words, practice my speech,
I pray to god, to me they don’t reach.
Every hour of the day, I’ve spent in that cell,
With no one to see me or hear when I yell.
The rover stops by to bring me some food,
The conversation, the company he will include.
High in the air, the wind passes fast,
I watch vultures circle, to see if I last.
I see through the big eyes all that’s before me and yet,
I’ll see something new, unknown silhouette.
Note it, it matters, every detail I detect,
I watch and I wait, observe and collect.
I look at the clock, I count until eight,
They give a small pause, then again isolate.

Stand

Order us to come, then give us a fee,
Lock up our freedom, through away the key.
Don’t let us leave, put a guard on the gate,
Enforce your will, intimidate.
So please limit our drinks and don’t let us get drunk.
Eat chow hall food?  We already paid for that junk.
Take away our liberty, don’t let us go out,
Treat us like this, expect us devout?
You can’t take our money, but you’ve done it before,
We won’t let it continue, we’ll tell you “no more.”
We won’t sit to stare at an evil plans beauty,
When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty.

PD

Come with us to train, we say it is fun,
See that we work before the damn sun.
You’ve got your ways, you won’t use mine,
How dare I say, you should refine?
Get up too early and get off too late,
“Don’t expect much sleep,” begin to frustrate.
I don’t care and you care less,
A waste of time, I must confess.
Here’s what we have, enjoy your crash course
Though it won’t improve your military force.
They say I can’t yell, so how can I teach?
Not with fair treatment and dignity for each.
Endure all week, but before your done,
Work on Saturday, and “have some fun.”
Don’t practice what we do, just let us advise,
Just watch us do work with frustration in eyes.

Duty

You are generally disliked, you don’t like conform,
We’re going to punish you, an attempt to reform.
You can’t be trusted to do what you’re told,
Given the slightest task, all will unfold.
You lie and we know, you say your leg’s hurt,
We see you run when it’s time for dessert.
NJPs and counseling’s, your career is a mess,
You don’t want to change, all you want is your EAS.
Don’t remember how to identify a bomb,
Spend your time on “IHatetheMarineCorps.com.”
So now your punishment you will reap,
We’ll trust you to guard us while we sleep.

Mess

We go everyday, know what to expect,
The kind of food that the poor would reject.
The service is bad and the food is worse,
And the smell alone could make us disperse.
They give tickets which I always collect,
I don’t give a shit, they’ll never suspect.
They give us cold food that’s graced with long hair.
Complain and they say, “the microwave‘s there.”
“Go and be healthy, you should try to eat right,”
But the only thing that tastes right is the Sprite.
They don’t even try to have pride in what’s made,
Why should they care?  They know I already paid.

Present

The right present for you should be no less,
Than all the things you did for our success.
Those nights in the cold,
All those miles patrolled,
Bringing all my gear to the hoops,
Then monotonous study groups.
Extra gear just to train.
The denial of pain.
Never fifty percent to much.
And we know that sleep is a crutch.
Making me miserable to show that you’re tough,
Had it ever been thought that we’ve just had enough?
Now you’ll never forget how I felt underneath,
For my present for you is a kick in the teeth.

Light Duty

I’d hate to get hurt and be in pain,
How will I live if I can not train?
I won’t get to sleep out in the soft dirt,
I guess I’ll wake up and my back won’t hurt.
I won’t run in the morning with the Rose,
I guess I’ll have to take more time to doze.
I will not even get to practice MCMAP,
I guess Vitale won’t force me to tap.
I won’t get on the mat to role and squirm,
I guess I’ll miss out on all the ring worm.
It is hard to deal with doing less,
But I’ll get through it somehow, I guess.

Field Day

When field day comes to pass,
I’ll lie about cleaning all that’s glass.
Hide what’s dirty and put up what’s new.
It’s little more than a show for you.
I’ll leave out porn for you to see,
That way you’ll forget about me.
Tell me how I can clean it better,
To let you feel like you are smarter.
Please go through everything I own.
Take what’s private and make it known.
Walk through my room and judge what you see.
Run my life and tell me how to be.