SI

The pain I feel inside cannot be real
But the pain I cause is external
In my emptiness I need just to feel
Why must my stresses seem so eternal
Don’t look, I don’t want you to see
I don’t want the attention at all
Allow me to conceal what I choose to be
Leave me on the ground where I fall
I feel the endorphins flow through me
So that I know it’ll be okay
In those cathartic moments I can’t see
Dissociate and finally “go away”
I want to live and make it through
And then the signs I will conceal
My motivations must seem askew
I’m so comforted to watch them heal
Once punished for what I did wrong
To myself I now pay the toll
I was helpless and weak all along
But now I am in control